Member-only story
When one person acts as a parent in a romantic relationship, there’s no true partnership
Moving towards a more equal relationship can help ensure long-term success.
I recently heard the same story from two different people who are in a relationship with each other. As often happens, there were some significant differences in each person’s view of what had happened. But the thing that struck me the most was the way that one person in that relationship is clearly acting like “the mom” and their partner has assumed the role of “naughty child”.
The best romantic relationships have some give and take, with both partners acting as equals. One person might be more comfortable or skilled in some areas, and their partner in other areas, but things generally even out.
But sometimes a dynamic evolves where one person feels like they have to take care of everything and be the “grown-up” in the relationship. When one person takes on all the responsibility in the relationship, resentment starts to grow.
Years ago I lived with a guy who was allergic to housework. When I complained to him that he needed to do his share since he also used the kitchen/bathroom/bedroom, he whined, “Just tell me what to do.” He wanted me to assign him chores like he was a child getting an…
